this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
