I am spending my child support on dildos
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
