Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
