Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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