who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I puked a lego.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
my liver is dry heaving
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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