i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
