What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So vagazzling was a success
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
