you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
