im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
