i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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