Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
