before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
