I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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