Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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