He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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