Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I sprained my soul last night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
