wrigley field is MILF paradise
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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