everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
