I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
