Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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