Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
