Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
