pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
