Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That accounts for only three of the penises
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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