question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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