Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
