So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
