found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize