Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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