Who did Billy Mays play for?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
