my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
