mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
