I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
