She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
