Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
