That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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