i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
