Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
