If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
