There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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