I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize