when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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