Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
