Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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