just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
