there's paper in my vomit.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
