i just had sex bonerless
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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