I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
