I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
