the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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