My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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