You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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