If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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