Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
