My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
