Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
