new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
