I heard we made out
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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