she woke up with a sticky ear
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
