Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
