I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
