You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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