We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
