I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize