Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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