You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
