he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
